mindless ramblings of a christian emo boy plauged by drowsiness and the stress of life

it's nice to feel lovedthis is one of those nights where i just want to stay up so long the day become a blur and i forget it ever happened(but not really?)its funny how those that judge the quickest are also the quickest to become upset when judged."as for you i am also grateful...and i pray you find the peace you have been longing for." - hopesfall"fill this heart with the wisdom that brings me to my knees. let me show them what Your true love is" - Hopesfall"and know that by abstaining from things of this world, i am not condemning you, but i'm choosing as you choose, to follow what i know to be true." - hopesfall "sometimes those that say the least have the most to say" - dunno the original.. but today -nick gualco"i rip my heart out to give to you"-underoath"will the scars go away in this world i have no placeforgive me Jesus this time i cry" - underoath"another year has gone bytime just took it awayfriends have changedclear skies watched over usbut we've had our share of rainromance still sits untouchedby the water she waits patientlyhoping i'll take her home somedayto think i lost herthat my dreams were her only placebut for her i've learned to waita smile remains on my face knowingGod hold her at nightletting her know i'm on my wayso i'll hold my head highfor love may be a dayi can't saybut tomorrow awaitsbringing me closer to you"- underoath//"God take me because i hate me"//-underoath"be my angel if you can" - the juliana theory"i give you my hand if you'd reach out and grab it, lets walk away from this hell"- the juliana theory"i want to be selfish" - the juliana theory"i should have known better than to breathe you in the first time i held you there for just a second but the mistake was mine" - the juliana theory"you're running out of breath running out of time before every careless word that you utter renders you utterly useless" - the juliana theory"and you kissed me like you meant it" - dashboard confessional"all the best deceptions and clever cover story awards, go to you"- dashboard confessional//"Please send me anything but signals that are mixed cause I can't read your rolling eyes out of touch, are we out of time?"// - dashboard confessional"But for now I'll look so longingly waiting... For you to want me, for you need me, for you to notice me" - dashboard confessional i guess that is enough for now. time for bed?. now that is 1:15 am.ps- rob you were right, hopesfall is definately a christian band

note: last e...

note: last entry was just venting and thinking...so just ignore it all, i am fine. don't worry.and dont feel bad!!!!!!!!!!!

blehthat descr...

blehthat describes me right now.everything is so confusing. i suppose it was a good day all in all. i think college will be good for me though. i dont know. i feel like hitting something really hard. my face hurts.ehhhhhwow, i'm such a mess...i need like to go nuts and beat the crap out of something and cry the whole time i'm doing it. like one of the insane people in a movie.me and underoath will have a nice night together...if i drank, i would be gone right now.so many emotions.good feelings because of some friends and people. stressed because of all the crap i have to do over the next few days. and confused by EVERYTHING becuase i'm so friggin stupid.just punched my wall pretty hard.. that helped, my knuckle is starting to tingle and get red, its good.i need to drive... i need to die.. i need to be alive... i need to fly (dang i am an idiot)arg.screw me.dangit... why am i the way i am.... i honestly dont know... i probably make no sense.its proabably the "end of summer depression".. but seriously my life is good i know it..ahhhhhi wish i had a best freind to call right nowi dont know if i'm mad at you.. maybe i am and i dont want to be, maybe i am just tryng to figure you out. maybe i am stupid.. maybe i just feel awful...and tomorrow morning most of this will have passed. and yet i dont want to go to bed becuase i flourish in the spotlight and i love being the hurt one... right?ha, dont ask me i definately dont friggin know.

toda...

today ended up being a pretty good day. XXX was a pretty entertaining movie. and then some crazy driving mishaps, and the such. but it was a very good day.not at all what i expected but in the end good.but now i am tired, and am hoping tomorrow is better than today, we'll see.

walks in...

walks in the rain are my 2nd favorite thingtoday was good, chilled with dan and rachael alot. good times.

went to the...

went to the eye doctor, it went well. then went with dan to concord to meet joel.. but after an hour of looking for him, we left. then we chilled with rachael for a bit, brought her to work.. picking her up with dan in a little bit. then chillin. then walking i think. kinda bored now though.tonight shoul be good though.

chill...

chilled with dan and rachael tonight. it was fun. tomorrow i am chillin with joel and people. i'm tired, thats all.ps- 1:01am - feeling great. i needed that.

today i watched...

today i watched donnie darko with rachael chelsea dan jared and lee.it was good, second time around made a little more sense.tonight who knows whats going on, i need to talk people still.i'm bored..

so the rumors we...

so the rumors were true... Norma Jean has a new lea vocalist and bassist. it was quite dissapointing. but hopesfall was great, and the overall hardcore show bonding experience was a good time.chilled with chelsea, rachael, lorie and dan this afternoon. it was a good time.. filled with shadow puppets and acorn throwing. boston on monday now, i guess. but perhaps that will work out for the best.8 more days here and then i'm off to college. mhmm.so because i said "brothel" and "happenstance" today.. rob says i talk like a dad. i'm sorry if i'm not one to yell out whorehouse in the mall...hahaha. anywayit feels much later than it is.

drove around w...

drove around with dan and andy for about an hour and a half. it was good. cruising with them is always good. tuesday/wednesday night will be good.. whenever it works out that we do it...rebellion.. as i said to andy...nDogg3377: ah rebellion..in an immature and trivial way.. but still, it will feel goodnDogg3377: i have been "perfect" for too longandy1234dyce: hahaandy1234dyce: yesnDogg3377: its like running in the halls in elementary school....andy1234dyce: it really isandy1234dyce: i like itnDogg3377: its not really bad.. its not really neccessary.. its jsut against the rules so you do itso ya, a little "trouble making" before i leave.. taking a little bit of nashua with me. it will be good.norma jean, 18 visions, hopesfall, and more tomorrow night. should be good.i look forward to the next few days.ps-hahaha, gabeSnowboarder21318: what's up man?nDogg3377: not much, just chillin, planning to cause a some trouble before i leave...well not really.. jsut "rebel" a little nDogg3377: not even anything bad, something everyone does at one pointSnowboarder21318: hahaSnowboarder21318: of courseSnowboarder21318: so you're gonna kill someone?

todaychurc...

todaychurch, picnic, home, rachael, rachael+lorie, home.kinda not as good as i hoped.. but tomorrow holds promise.rowr.

today was fun. w...

today was fun. went to the beach it was very sunny. the jetty was great as always. me jared and chelsea caught starfish. we walked around and just chilled, had lots of lemonade slushies. then came home. almost hung out with rachael, but her mom is being lame. then almost hung out with rob, but ya, the significant other and he were having a quiet evening.so i went on a walk with chelsea, it was good. we talked alot. and no you were not my last option,i just saw you all day, so i wanted to see what other people were up to, but i'm glad we walked, it was good.tomorrow is lots of church then maybe boston, or church picnic and then chillin with rachael hopefully.

toni...

tonight was fun. watched movies with the rachunokmonster, the dansteramma, and the SSV.it was fun. then i went to applebees with chelsea and dan, and met jared and sara there. it was fun, then me chelsea and dan drove around listening to music and talking.tomorrow is the beach.tuesday is boston from like 10-4... mmm boston. we're going to the science exhibits, and the <3aquarium<3, and jsut around boston. ah, it shall be great.i love rob, he is a great human.awww tarzan and jane are kissing on my TV(the animated disney movie my sis is watching).i guess thats all for now.. not much really going on. i'm happy, and done with work, and have plenty of money. so its alll good. cant wait for college. good times.

i need to go...

i need to go buy black and white film.. and then go to boston, chicago, italy, greece, spain, france, colorado, yosemite(sp?) national park, california, georgia, Brazil, Fiji, and Australia.but first i need to get black and white film.wow.. i just had a revelation.. but you'll have to ask me about it cause i'm not writing it here.

stolen from another livjournal...

"Love is when you've found that one person who completes you. They're your sustenance, and without them life cannot exist. They are your breath, and without them you feel like you're dying. Love is that warm feeling you get when you're just thinking about that special someone. Love is the tingling you get in your lips after you've just shared a passionate kiss. Love is finding the one person you'd die for and the one person you'd cry for, and knowing they'd do the same, and hoping you'd both have to do neither. Love is going against all the odds and going against all the critics and being triumphant and lasting."No real context to my life.. i just thought it was good.. and after looking at so much b&w photography, everything just seems beautiful.

Did you...

Did you lose something..on your way down here?I lost myself, now i'm losing it, losing it all.Give me strength, give me power to go on.mmm yes. tonight was interesting, i agree dan, i agree.i find myself jealous of for essentially the one thing i dont have. whereas i should just focus on what i know is most important.

last night was f...

last night was fun, i played ball with rob. we played one on one.. i won, obviously, it was either 11-1 or 11-2. then we got cleaned up, picked up dan, and went to rachael's. we watched "the others". i thought it was a cool concept but overall, kind of boring, and only scary/suspensful a few times. my gastrocnemius on both legs cramped up last night, and i still cant walk completely normal, but its all good. they will be so much harder and stronger now. tonight i probably have 4 hours worth of meetings at the church, but its all good. i want to chill with jared again, havent seen him since sunday. i need to talk to katie to, make sure things are all good. tomorrow i am hanging out with vicki, so that should be cool. i havent seen her since january. i should probably get back to work, only today and tomorrow left though, and then so much more free time every week, i cant wait.

i feel u...

i feel uneeded and unimportant...like i'm just drifiting through life, enough to have a small impact on people, but when i am gone.. nothing will change.. and no one will really be affected or care after a few months.i feel "needed" by soulstice, as in the event not the people.. but even that will be fine without me. i dont know.. obviously i dont want things to fall apart when i leave.. nor would i expect them to.i'm happy.. but theres no real substance to my life right now.. i just feel like i'm waiting to leave.. and everyone else is too.i think maybe i am preparing for the transition and its making me feel this way, but its also because i havent had.. or even been, a best freind to anyone for a while. i have tons of friends, but its all kinda fight club...single serving.its single serving fun, with freinds.. and everyday it changes.. i need something more constant.. and in the last 2 weeks here i obviously wont get that. so i guess i'm hoping i get it at college.i think thats part of why i have been wierd lately too.. i know i'm leaving soon, and the things i say and do in the last few weeks i am here wont really affect me because i'll leave it all behind. and the people i getting to know better/ am hanging out with alot.. i know will never develop a good friendship with, because once i leave i will be essentially out of their lives, and for the most part they out of mine.it still kinda sucks though.. i dont mean to say or do things to hurt anyone.. but i guess i just havent really thought about other people a whole lot lately.. i've been very focused on myself.. and i dont really like that my nature has become that way. i'm working on it.. and i hope people that i have hurt in anyway lately are understanding, but then again... all for what... i guess my, and possibly their, peace of mind.. who knows.. that in itself is selfish, but at least it has good intentions. i wish i could look back on this summer and say wow, i made a difference before i left for college.. or i really helped a friend this summer, or something that would be fufilling.. but theres nothing really there.. so i guess i'm looking to the future hoping to find fufillment there, but i suppose i should just focus on the present and try to figure out how best to get fufillment and lasting enjoyment now.i'm starting to get a headache now from thinking about all of this, but there its lots more to go.i can type and type about how i want to change and that i want to do something great or extraordinary to be fufilled. but i can never really seem to actually follow through. and this time i really want to. i want my last 2 weeks here to be something special, something i can look back on and enjoy. instead of looking back and wishing i had used the 2 weeks differently. so partially i want to do som amazing and fun things, and secondly i want to change my life and attitude for the better.i guess thats alot to do in 2 weeks, but i want to start at least.

tonig...

tonight me and dan, and maybe someone else, are going over to rachael's around 7:30ish to watch a movie. i only have the rest of this week of work left, and then its pure freedom.. for a week and a half.. then college.. which has a pretty good share of freedom too. i'm still hoping this boston thing works out, cuz i really want to go again.

at ra...

at rachael's with dan, just chillin changing up livejournal pics and the such. i only have a few weeks left of summer before college, but it will be good. going to boston again will be sweet. good times. dan says "viva las vegas".the end

at work right n...

at work right now, been working on the layout to this journal a whole bunch. i like it, now i'm just trying to resize the bacground picture so it fits better.but hey its all good.

new journal;fresh start